Someone grab a towel because Sean May is covered in semen

1. Haven't seen this big of "dick-sucking campaign" since Mike Wilkinson hung 'em up.

2. Billy Packer lives in Charlotte, NC and played college basketball in the ACC.
Disclaimer: I really wish this was false, but I'm sorry I can give you my sources, but don't want to link webpages due to copyright concerns. If you are interested...drop garyburger an email- kaner@email.com

3. Actual Billy Packer Quotes from Monday's National Championship

"Illinois is using moving screens....THAT'S A MOVING SCREEN...Illinois can't do that!" Billy...Please broadcast the nat'l championship. If you want to cheer, go back home to Charlotte and watch the game with Gary Williams, Scott May Sr., and Chris Paul.

"Well Jim, if I were Illinois, I'd keep running that motion offense with the moving screens! There not obviously not gonna call Illinois for a moving screen, so I'd run it everytime" Billy....You are Illinois, an official, or a fan. You are supposed to be an unbiased broadcaster hired by CBS.

"For this next possesion, those other 4 guys shouldn't be allowed to do anything until May touches the ball" Billy...Those 4 other guys are going to play in the NBA, and those 4 other guys won 32 games this year, and those 4 other guys beat Villanova when Sean "I think someone mentioned my dad's name was Scott (who has a National Title), and I have soft hands and supberp footwork, and am the best center since another fat 6'8" guy who played for Michigan and went onto a stellar NBA career and isn't named Corliss Williamson who had another amazing NBA career, get Billy Packer's mouth off my penis...it is Digger's turn" May was in foul trouble.

"Look out they're setting a pick!!!! May's gonna run off it for the lob!!!!! Augggh!" Billy....When a team prepares for their biggest game of the season, they do something that other coaches refer to as scouting. It's when they look at what their opponent has done in the past against other teams from different offensive sets. I'm sorry the play was broken up and you could get any more excited about giving Sean "I can foul out the entire state of Illinois with touch fouls b/c the officials created a forcefield around me and if you even look at my greatness you will be charged with two fouls" May a reacharound.

(3 seconds after the buzzer) "Coach Roy joins Boeheim and Gary Williams as three straight coaches who have won championships for their alma matters." Billy...thank you for being able to spit out what you had planned to say the entire game. Now get down in that locker and give those kids high-fives and bring Sean "Illinois is using moving screens, but I seal with my right arm everytime I'm trying to get position inside but the foul can't go to me because I think someone mentioned my dad won a national title" May his birthday cake, and take Roy out for dinner with you and your wife when you guys finish golfing for the day in Charlotte.

4. Augustine 9 min....5 fouls/Ingram 30 min....4 fouls VS. Sean "lower my shoulder and crack your sternum is my offense" May 1 foul.....34 minutes.

PS: Rashaad McCants was blown by 37 times by Illinois guards and continued to bump them with his hip as he rode them through the lane. He was charged with 0 fouls.

PPS: After the game Rashaad decided to mandingo to the crowd and put as much attention on himself as possible without acknowledging another teammate for 3 minutes. He was scoreless in the second half.

5. Illinois shot 6 Freet Throws and lost me $30